The Big, Naked Elephant in the Room

I recently had the opportunity to present a paper at the Writing for Social Change conference at Utah Valley University. The paper I presented was one I had written in my English 2010 class, a paper I had worked on the entire semester. The intended audience is young adults from Utah, but I think it's an important message that everyone needs to hear.

The Big, Naked Elephant in the Room

by: Steven Pond

It's amazing how large of an impact a few words can have on your life.

“Hey Steven, want to see something?”

It was a Friday. A day most 10-year-olds associate with the glorious release from school and beginning of a weekend which always ends up being far too short. My best friend and I had walked home from school together, discussing our plans for the precious few hours of freedom we had ahead of us.

“What is it?”

My buddy and I were pretty rambunctious kids. We would spend most of our Saturdays together working on some crazy project, like building a go-cart or figuring out the best way to jump off a roof onto a trampoline. The second day of the weekend was reserved for church.

“P-O-R-N.”

I had grown up in an actively religious family in an actively religious community, but the most I knew about porn was that it was naughty and involved naked people. No one had talked to me about sexuality before. Because I didn't really know what it was, I said:

“Sure.”

From that point on, my life would never be the same. My friend showed me a single pornographic website on his mom's computer and all of a sudden I was different. No longer was my mind preoccupied with homework, superheroes, and how fast I could go on my bike; I started to think about porn.

Pornography is one of those things that once it gets a hold of you, it's really tough to let go. It seeps in to every other part of your life. Of course, at the beginning I didn't notice it too much. Whenever it was convenient, I would open up a new browser window and look at porn for a few minutes. Later on, those minutes got longer. Later on, it wasn't just when it was convenient. Later on, I would find myself making time to look at pornography.

I didn't know it yet, but I had become addicted. It's strange to think – a 10-year-old with an addiction – but that's what had happened. I started to crave porn. I felt like the desire was always there in the back of my mind, pushing me to get on the computer and look. I eventually got in to the habit of saying to myself: “This is the last time. I'm just going to look at a little bit more and then I'm done.” But a little bit more was never enough.

I tried to stop countless times over the years, but it never worked. I felt so ashamed at what I was doing that I felt I could never talk to anyone about it. Of course, that only made the problem worse. When I was about 15, I had become so disgusted with myself that I considered suicide as a way out. I had the knife in my hands, but thankfully wasn't able to go through with it.

That's what pornography addiction did to me. I felt like I was evil. I felt too ashamed to talk about it to anyone. I felt so alone. Unfortunately, I wasn't alone: Utah is the largest state in the nation in terms of porn use, so my experience was only one in possibly millions of cases around the state and across the country (Jarvik, DeseretNews.com).

You might be one of those cases. You might feel exactly how I felt. If not personally, you probably know someone who has felt similar. If not, just wait. It'll happen.

Statistically speaking, if you're a male reading this, I'm 93.2% sure that you were exposed to pornography before you turned 18 (Sabina, Wolak, and Finkelhor 1). If you're a female, you're lucky. Only 62% of you have come into contact with porn by the same age (ibid). The average age of exposure is only 11 years old (Hilton 32). Assuming most of you readers are around 18, that means many of you have potentially spent almost a third of your life wrestling with this problem.

We all learned in elementary school that “Knowledge is Power,” and I'm here to tell you that is exactly correct. In order to overcome this issue, we need to be armed with accurate information about the addictive process, what happens to your brain in an addiction, and the negative affects of pornography. And once we have that knowledge, we need to spread it.

In Utah, I have seen that most people typically avoid talking about things that make them uncomfortable. More specifically, hardly anyone wants to talk about sexuality. Our culture functions under the false assumption that as long as we don't talk about it, then it won't be a problem. But at least for me, not talking about it was how I got addicted in the first place.

Many people only associate “addiction” with substances such as cocaine, alcohol, or prescription drugs, and, until a few years ago, those people would be completely right. But recently, the the term “addiction” was broadened:

“As newly defined by the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM 2011), the United States’ addiction specialty society of physicians, addiction is a primary, chronic disease involving brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. . . . This is reflected in persons pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors” (Smith 1).

Makes sense? Basically that means that addiction is a brain disorder that can change what you find enjoyable and cause you to become virtually obsessed with whatever it is, whether it's a substance or behavior. To help clarify what really makes an addiction an addiction, the ASAM has also released an “ABC” synopsis of addiction criteria:

“Addiction is characterized by:

• Inability to consistently Abstain;
• Impairment in Behavioral control;
• Craving; or increased “hunger” for drugs or rewarding experiences;
• Diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships; and
• A dysfunctional Emotional response” (ASAM 2).

So we know what an addiction is: a condition where an individual exposes themselves to a substance or participates in a behavior which is tough to stop and stay stopped, includes intense desire for that particular substance/behavior, and causes changes in that person's normal behavior and emotions. But why do these things happen? How can a drug or a habit cause such intense reactions? In order to understand the “how” and “why” behind addiction, you need to know some basic neurobiology. Strap in folks – you're about to learn something.

Your brain is an amazing organ. It controls hundreds of different muscles, regulates thousands of different biological processes, and communicates with the outside world via a huge network of electrical passageways and chemical reactions. One of the most remarkable things is that your brain is constantly learning and changing and developing.

Every time you experience something, whether you catch a whiff of a flower, bite into a tangy apple, or touch a hot stove, your brain automatically takes that experience and catalogues it. Was it pleasurable or painful? Will it be necessary to do again? How does it compare to experiences A, B, and C?

Once your brain figures all that out, it releases different neurochemicals accordingly. A major one specifically is dopamine. Dopamine is involved in almost anything your brain does. When your teacher says the pythagorean theorem is going to be on a test, dopamine comes in and tells you to remember it, cause it's important. When you try to thread a needle, dopamine is there steadying your hand and giving you more precision in your fine motor skills. Got a few more laps around the track in P.E.? Dopamine will give you the push you need to stick it out.

Dopamine is also the reward chemical of the brain. Whenever do something you enjoy or experience something fun/pleasurable, dopamine floods in and reinforces that feeling and makes you want to do it again. You take a bite of pizza. It's delicious. Why? Dopamine. You find a field of fresh powder while skiing. It's amazing. Why? Dopamine. That cute girl across the room in AP English finally looks at you. You blush. Why? You guessed it: dopamine.

Dopamine also plays a huge role in addictions. Don't get me wrong; it's a wonderful chemical and can do great things for ya, but when it gets hijacked by another drug it can become a serious problem. For example, if you snort a hit of cocaine, there actually isn't another chemical that binds to anything and causes you to get high. What happens is the dopamine reuptake receptors, where dopamine is reabsorbed and recycled, are blocked. That means, any dopamine that is produced in your brain will stay in your brain, causing a much higher level than normal. But remember how dopamine does all those other things too? This is where it starts going downhill.

While your brain is swimming in this pleasure neurochemical, it's still cataloguing all your experiences, but now it's assigning way higher than natural feelings of happiness and reward with what's going on. Does this feel good? Oh boy you betcha! Are we gonna do it again? Hecks yes! How does it compare to other pleasurable experiences? Blows them out of the water! Is it natural or good for you? NO!

So here's the crazy thing: Porn works in almost the exact same way. We know that sex is a natural instinct and your body comes pre-programmed to want it, but when you view pornography your brain produces way more dopamine than is present in a normal sexual experience. Your brain gets flooded with this pleasure neurochemical, and all of a sudden pornography goes to the top of the brain's catalogue of “things that make me feel good.” Next time, when you need a bit of a pick-me-up, if you feel stressed, or bored, or worried, your brain will automatically go to the most effective remedy you've experienced: porn.

To help explain how an addiction develops, let me give you an analogy. Imagine that while out on a hike, you come to a beautiful, pristine meadow. You can tell no one has been here before, because there are no visible trails through the grass. You feel excited at being the first person to visit here, and start to push forward through the meadow, enjoying the warm sun on your back. Looking behind you, your pathway through the meadow is faintly visible.

It's so lovely here, you decide you want to take the same hike tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. Pretty soon, the barely noticeable trail becomes a well established pathway, marked with rocks and logs to show the way. If this pathway becomes important enough, it may get widened, paved, and set up for vehicle travel. And if enough people begin to travel if often enough, this tiny trail through a mountain meadow can turn in to a super highway, with ease and speed of travel increased exponentially.

The brain is like that original meadow. Whenever you try to develop any habit, your brain sets up a neural pathway. This initial connecting is like the trail through the grass in a meadow: if you never travel it again, it will eventually fade away. The trouble with addiction is, because of the amount of pleasure chemicals released when that pathway is first set up, the beginning trail is much more difficult to erase, sometimes even impossible.

When you continue engaging in a behavior, be it viewing pornography, taking drugs, or anything else, the neural pathway for that behavior gets wider and wider, just like the hiking trail. The time comes when that behavior is virtually automatic and the pathways for other pleasure outlets have faded (Hilton 70). You won't get the same kick you did from music, rock climbing, or whatever else you enjoyed, because normal activities no longer carry the same weight; they're smaller pathways, so your brain thinks they're less important. At this point, changing the behavior is extremely difficult. I know, remember? I've been there.

There are more things that happen to you when you develop an addiction than just wanting to use or view. Because of the increased amount of pleasure chemicals in the brain, the receptors for these chemicals get worn out and desensitized. Because there's so much extra floating around, the dopamine producers actually shrink and produce less and less over time (Hilton 61).

It's kinda like “Beanie Babies”. Sounds random, but I actually have a point here. When Beanie Babies first came out, they were huge. Everyone wanted to collect Beanie Babies, so the demand for them skyrocketed and the company started making a ton of them. Pretty soon though, there were so many different kinds of Beanie Babies that people started to get bored of them. People stopped collecting. When that happened, the company made less and less of them, eventually discontinuing the line altogether.

By the time your dopamine producers start shrinking, the physical structure of the brain has fundamentally altered. There's big strong pleasure pathways where none should be, with normal, healthy pleasure outlets left to atrophy. Whole sections of the brain have decreased in size because of either overexposure to chemicals or decreased use. In fact, the entire frontal lobe, the decision making and logic part of the brain, has been affected (Hilton 64). That's called hypofrontality: your brain literally stops thinking and you only focus on getting that chemical rush (Hilton 71).

Even at the beginning of the addiction process, the first few trips through that meadow trail, your behavior is impacted. You start to crave pornography. You find yourself thinking about it more and more. And the more you take in, the more you will need to take in to feel satisfied. This is because the brain gets used to the increased amount of chemicals released, so it needs even more to stimulate the same response. Not only do you need to need more chemical exposure to get the same feeling, but when you aren't getting a direct hit from those pleasure hormones, you feel worse than before (Hilton 62).

This tolerance and dependency spiral can lead to other mental and emotional impairments as well. In fact, in a study done on religious young men who view pornography, researchers found that “young men who used pornography reported lower levels of identity development (in the areas of family and dating) and levels of self worth, as well as higher levels of depression” (Nelson, Padilla-Walker, & Carroll 144).

When you use pornography, especially if you believe doing so is wrong, you feel guilty and ashamed of it. Because what you do doesn't match what you believe is right, the entirety of who you believe you are is shaken. Saying one thing and doing another creates “cognitive dissonance,” which can cast doubt on who you are as an individual, which in turn may lower your self worth, and influence feelings of depression.

The effects of porn aren't limited to just how they make you feel. It can also put your employment and livelihood at risk. The majority of corporations and businesses in the United States have begun to use pornography-detecting software and monitor internet activity. In 2007, 25% of all employees fired because of internet misuse were caught looking at porn (Eberstadt 9).

In spite of all of these negative consequences, some people might still say that “It's my life, so if I don't hurt anyone else then it's fine.” While it's true that viewing pornography is your own decision, the effects that it has on you will impact everyone around you, most powerfully those you love and care about.

Social isolation is a common result of pornography use (Twohig, Crosby, & Cox 254). In my own experience, I was constantly scared that someone would find out about my behavior. Because of that, I unconsciously distanced myself from my friends and family for fear that they would learn how I “really” was. I avoided developing deep relationships, because I felt that the closer I was to someone, the more likely they were to see past the walls I had put up and discover the dirty little secret I was hiding.

If you do manage to make it into a relationship, pornography will hit hard there too. Because most of an addict's experiences involving intimacy and human connection are between them and pixels on a computer screen, actual intimacy can feel awkward and become artificial. Instead of viewing your significant other as a whole individual, with their own unique likes, dislikes, and history, they become simply a visually pleasing arrangement of body parts. Not a person anymore, just a sexual object (Flood 391).

Most women in romantic relationships believe that their partner viewing pornography is a form of infidelity and threatens their relationship (Lambert, et al. 411). They “feel betrayal and loss, feel less desirable, and describe other negative effects on their relationships, their sex lives, and themselves” (Flood 393). When you look at porn, your partner will often respond the same as if you were cheating on them. This makes them feel like you don't care about them or your relationship, and can cause their self worth to plummet too. That doesn't sound like love to me.

It's not just those in your immediate social circles that are harmed when you look at porn. When you encourage the production of pornography by using it, everyone involved is negatively affected.

In her 2011 article titled “Producing Abuse: Selling the Harms of Pornography,” Karen Boyle shares her collection of research, testimonials, and stories from both ex- and current pornographic actresses. She says that “women are quickly used up in porn, suffer physical and psychological damages and the choices they exercise are often (if not typically) within a context of extreme constraint” (Boyle 593). Women are forced, whether physically, by threats, or blackmail, to endure physical, mental, and emotional torture everyday because of porn.

“I got the *&%$ kicked out of me … most of the girls start crying because they’re hurting so bad … I couldn’t breathe. I was being hit and choked. I was really upset and they didn’t stop. They kept filming. [I asked them to turn the camera off] and they kept going.” - Regan Starr (FTND)

These aren't the occurrences of small production companies with minor stars either. Jenna Jameson, often called “the Queen of Porn,” has published an autobiography titled “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale”, which includes a multitude of descriptions about the trials she suffered both leading up to, and working in the porn industry; including being raped three times as a teenager, the complete disrespect she received on a daily basis, her spiral downward into drug addiction, and several times when porn almost took her life (Antipornography.org).

So what can we do about it? How can we get people to recognize the impact that pornography has on themselves, others, and society as a whole? How do we reverse the “'pornographication' of popular culture” (Flood 385)? Quite honestly, it starts with you. Right here, right now.

Let's go back to the beginning, shall we? I'm sure my parents thought to protect me from it by avoiding introducing me to it, but I got involved with pornography because the first time I really talked about it was when I was invited to see some. Very often, no one likes talking about a topic that makes them feel as uncomfortable as porn. But in order to reverse the upward trend of usage of the past decades, we need to do exactly that: get talking about it.

Don't be ashamed of talking about sexuality. Don't feel awkward bringing up porn. This is a message everyone needs to hear, because everyone is affected by it.

Naturally it's going to be difficult. In fact, some people will argue that it's darn near impossible: porn is everywhere, everyone uses it, and getting rid of it would be just too dang hard. But let's consider an example from history really quick.

According to Mary Eberstadt, “Today's prevailing social consensus about pornography is practically identical to the social consensus about tobacco in 1963: i.e., it is characterized by widespread tolerance, tinged with resignation about the notion that things could ever be otherwise” (4).

But then certain research came out that explicitly showed the adverse health effects of smoking and chewing tobacco. The Big Tobacco corporations fought tooth and nail against that research, saying that it wasn't concrete proof, even citing studies of their own to back themselves up. Eventually though, public education won out. Once they knew the harmful effects, hundreds of thousands of people individually chose to either quit, or avoid tobacco altogether.

That same thing can happen today. All we need to do is talk about the facts. Go out and tell people about how common pornography use really is. Explain what happens to your brain in an addiction. Share with them the negative impact pornography can have on them, and everyone around them. Invite them to join the fight.

Because I know from experience that, for better or worse:

It's amazing how large of an impact a few words can have on your life.

Works Cited

American Society of Addiction Medicine. “Public Policy Statement: Definition of Addiction.” ASAM.org. 15 Aug. 2011. Web. 23 April 2013

Boyle, Karen. "Producing Abuse: Selling The Harms Of Pornography." Women's Studies International Forum 34.(2011): 593-602. ScienceDirect. Web. 21 Mar. 2013.

Eberstadt, Mary. "Is Pornography The New Tobacco?." Policy Review 154 (2009): 3-18. Academic Search Premier. Web. 21 Mar. 2013.

"The Industry's Dirty Little Secret." Fight The New Drug. Web. 13 Apr. 2013.

Flood, Michael. "The Harms Of Pornography Exposure Among Children And Young People." Child Abuse Review 18.6 (2009): 384-400. Academic Search Premier. Web. 21 Mar. 2013.

Greenfield, Patricia M. "Inadvertent Exposure To Pornography On The Internet: Implications Of Peer-To-Peer File-Sharing Networks For Child Development And Families." Journal Of Applied Developmental Psychology 25 (2004): 741-750. ScienceDirect. Web. 24 Apr. 2013.

Hilton, Donald L., Jr. He Restoreth My Soul. San Antonio, TX: Forward Pub., 2009. Print.

Jarvik, Elaine. "Utah No. 1 in Online Porn Subscriptions, Report Says." DeseretNews.com. 3 Mar. 2009. Web. 4 Apr. 2013.

"Jenna Jameson's 25 Reasons Why No One Would Ever Want To Be a Porn Star." AntiPornography Activist Blog - by AntiPornography.org. Web. 27 Mar. 2013.

Lambert, Nathaniel M., Sesen Negash, Tyler F. Stillman, Spencer B. Olmstead, and Frank D. Fincham. "A Love That Doesn't Last: Pornography Consumption And Weakened Commitment To One's Romantic Partner." Journal Of Social & Clinical Psychology 31.4 (2012): 410-438. Psychology and Behavioral Sciences Collection. Web. 21 Mar. 2013.

Nelson, Larry J., Laura M. Padilla-Walker, and Jason S. Carroll. "I Believe It Is Wrong But I Still Do It": A Comparison Of Religious Young Men Who Do Versus Who Do Not Use Pornography." Psychology Of Religion And Spirituality 2.3 (2010): 136-147. ATLA Religion Database. Web. 21 Mar. 2013.

Poulsen, Franklin O., Dean M. Busby, and Adam M. Galovan. "Pornography Use: Who Uses It And How It Is Associated With Couple Outcomes." Journal Of Sex Research 50.1 (2013): 72-83. Sociological Collection. Web. 16 Jan. 2013.

Sabina, Chiara, Janis Wolak, and David Finkelhor. "The Nature And Dynamics Of Internet Pornography Exposure For Youth." Cyberpsychology & Behavior 11.6 (2008): 691-693. Academic Search Premier. Web. 19 Mar. 2013.

Smith, David E. "Editor's Note: The Process Addictions And The New ASAM Definition Of Addiction." Journal Of Psychoactive Drugs 44.1 (2012): 1-4. Academic Search Premier. Web. 13 Apr. 2013.

Twohig, Michael P., Jesse M. Crosby, and Jared M. Cox. "Viewing Internet Pornography: For Whom Is It Problematic, How, And Why?." Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity 16.4 (2009): 253-266. CINAHL Plus with Full Text. Web. 21 Mar. 2013.